Shock

“To heal a wound you need to stop touching it.”

— Unknown

 

Five years later there are still shards of her left under my skin

I couldn’t bleed them out no matter how much blood I poured out of myself, down the drain

Trauma’s shock can only erase so much from your memory

And I keep trying to drown those memories

But they always swim to the surface when someone asks why I flinch so much

I wish it could be understood without words

As if I could transfer my memories to their eyes

If only I could give away the pain on a USB so I no longer have to remember

My body still recoiling from her knuckles painting masterpieces of black and blue onto my skin

Everyone says I should have used my voice but I hadn’t found it yet

They don’t tell you about abuse until you’re 6 feet under with flowers growing at your head

Because the fists kill the flowers in your mind

And you couldn’t bear the winter cold anymore

I mapped the blueprints of my death

While they all ogled the angles of bones poking from under my skin

Starving will only let her plant her nails deeper

No one tells you how to forget

But they can’t forget the look of your shattered body

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