Love(d)

Our past whispers with the wind and no one can hear it but us

I heard your name slip out of someone’s mouth

The warmth of tears trying to escape my eyes felt familiar and it became a little harder to breathe

You stole my heart back in that moment just for it to return to me once I spilled harbored emotions over you

Places our laughter once visited, entwined, won’t let me forget you are no longer a part of my present tense

I still have that photograph of you in front of that red building, a smile playing hide and seek with me behind the lens

Passing that little place where I felt your warmth next to me had me bottling up anything I still had for you – maybe that would dull the empty where you once lived in my heart

I heard your name escape someone’s mouth recently – she said you were quiet

All I could do was smirk because I knew you once

You were a storm filled with adventures and silly, the perfect companion for a little while

I thought we had more time

I still try to remember you happy in the past tense with me

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Diaries

I’ve never been able to keep a diary

But I have notebooks full of poetry only known by my eyes and thee fingers that composed them

I didn’t learn to break on paper in English classes

My friends brought me to learn the art of breathing my story into candy to their hungry ears

They knew this would glue shards of me back together because I had forgotten where I left my smile behind

I was stripped of all that was mine and they gave me the art of reclaiming in increments with every notebook, every poem, every word

Soon enough they’d fall away with the leaves and all I had left of them was stitched into metaphors in poems no one would read but me

Unseen

A hint of a smile lives on my face, so no one asks

You haven’t set foot in the world I see

The now lily white relics of nights pouring myself out into drains I thought were listening no longer bother people

Once they were a screaming red, now just an asterisk not worth looking into

You ask why you’ve never seen inside the home of my memory

I spent years pouring rivers of myself out to people who didn’t bother staying

Teaching to lock the door behind me

Darkness should only be reimagined by the person in which all the lights decided to turn off for

Returning sunshine to the world that stripped them of it for moments you can’t even recollect the duration of

I will not offer you pieces of my darkness for that is not all of who I am anymore

I am the kindness I didn’t recieve

Keeping my arms open for your heart to rest from the storm of the world

If I unlock that door for you, then you’ll have a reason to leave me behind

Just like the rest

Scents

Does anyone have certain smells that remind them of something or bring them back to a point in their life that has passed? For example a certain perfume I have brings me to the 2011/2012 school year when I was insanely depressed. The smell of warm air penetrating the cool and the grass growing remind me of the month I was diagnosed with depression. Rain’s fresh scent reminds me of all the summers spend running around in the muddy marshes barefoot at a YMCA camp that is entirely in the woods. Certain soaps my mother buys reminds me of spans of a month or two when I was first getting into a certain band or when I started listening to slam poetry (Rudy Francisco and Neil Hilborn are my favorite if you’re wondering). Or how laundry detergent brings me back to my ex’s house. I know a lot of people have songs or photographs, but for me smells bring back all the memories and the person I was at the point in time. Am I the only one?