Changing Seasons

The person I was 3 years ago would not recognize the person I am today

Even if standing face to face

Which is to say neither will he

He will never come back to me now

Which is fine

Since he was the one who broke me

Aftermath

You quoted George Orwell saying “We will meet in a place where there is no darkness”

To which my response was “baby there will always be darkness”

 

For months I beat myself up for not leaving earlier when the first warning signs appeared

Lamenting that I was the only one hurting

You said we would have a future, just skirting around “love” to be someone who once was

I daydreamed of walking down the aisle to promise forever

The white dress leaving our friends and family gawking

Daydreaming about the way the sun shone in our kids hair and the reflection of the ocean in their eyes

I wanted it so badly to last beyond its expiration date

 

These days I tie our memories to balloons to watch them float to anywhere but here

They will see how I gave you so much in so little time

I am still trying to forget the small details

The kids you wanted, the names you already picked, the freckles written on your body you preferred over others

I wonder if she tastes sweeter than I did

Or if the moon told her all the secrets that I gave her nights you soundly snored in my arms

Allergen

The spring allergies developed 6 months after leaving the man who promised me forever

Coincidentally, his birthday is in the dead of spring

My body tries to rid itself of percieved toxins

Or the remnants of his touch months after dusting his fingerprints away

His poison words decorated with flowers twisting into “but I love you”

Lowering my casket a little lower with every argument crucifying me

Having me paint you in the likeness of a god

So that when you left no one would listen to the girl who cried wolf

The only compliment I have left for him is that he is a wonderful actor

His fake tears in the spotlight so no one would see the ghost he left behind

The shell of me pried open with his delicate fingers working in time with the poison oozing from his lips

Dotted with poems illuminating his love for me

Because I was the only one his heart was tangled up in

I guess you were tangled up in me, you left behind some thorns

Each time I see you my heart bleeds a little more

Cheeks stung by tears that flow as rivers

Y’know I just blame the pollen now

,

Forever was moments with you that made my heart flutter out of my chest into the palms of your hands

The blackberries I kissed off your lips

Your hands twisting wildflowers into my hair

Closing your eyes to flutter your eyelashes on my cheeks

No one told me it would hurt walking away

Each gentle moment teaching me that not everyone was here to hurt me

They’re all kept in a locket waiting for you to reclaim what is still yours

You always said your brown eyes weren’t beautiful but mine of grey blue stung when you needed it he most and melted into honey when you needed to feel welcome

But you never made a home out of those eyes of yours and I am still trying to find my way back to them

It wasn’t a permanent goodbye, just a see you later

via Daily Prompt: Later

 

A passport of every person  who visited my heart:

M.A.

Everyone could see my world shatter when you kissed her two days after we broke up

You know, the same girl who I couldn’t tell where her fist ended and my dwindling frame began

M.P.

Thank you for making your arms home so I wouldn’t feel so alone

You left without a trace and I still haven’t forgiven you

M.G.

I dug my own grave while you watched

You strung your love for me into sweet intoxicating words and they still haunt me now that you’re 3 years clean

A.M.

I nearly slipped from this place and you would have been the one to make sure my grave had fresh flowers

I wish I wasn’t a cyclone disguised as someone you loved

You still haven’t forgiven me

A.W.

They told me you were a phase I would grow out of

I couldn’t bear names thrown like stones for the person I decided to give my heart to

J.S.

I would choose you over and over

J.B.

 

I wish love came with a gift receipt so you could return all the time I spent loving you

Looks and talent aren’t everything when you abuse someone until they no longer recognize the face staring back at them in the mirror

You were lying when you said it would only happen once

N.B.

Sometimes I still feel the warmth of your body asleep next to mine

With the rain drizzling in the early hours of morning, your arms pulling me in, lulling me back to sleep

We didn’t have enough time

R.C.

Our giggles and goofiness compliment each other

Please make a home of me as long as you need

 

“Thank you for loving me when I still tasted of heartache and war.” – Nikita Gill

via Daily Prompt: Passport

Thrifted Love

The first time I got butterflies in years was sitting next to you on a humid late summer’s night giggling at stupid comments

Both too nervous to actually making the first move

For the first time in a long time I’m treated not as an accessory but as an equal by a man who sees that you have as much to offer the world as he does

And boy does he see galaxies in your eyes

And you hope this time leaving won’t shatter your heart like the last one did

Because working for over a week straight is only pretty in the numbers on your paycheck

A telltale sign of heartbreak is a suppressed appetite ant let me tell you how destructive that is when you’re already working 10 hours a day because you can’t bear thinking about his eyes when he laughed so you will do anything to keep your mind wandering back to him

You hope this won’t be another story you choke out when your future kids ask

You see a side of him he is too reserved to bring out until you’re by his side

Our laughter dances together under the stars in the moonlight

His hands feel like you’ve known them in a different time and place before here and now

We giggle together like children as our smiles answer inside jokes

I know it will hurt if you leave

I know my heart will be ripped out of my chest only to be pieced back together again

But I damn well hope I won’t have to do that again

Ghosttown

You eroded my bones to dust

You left me with nothing

The air flowing through my lungs wasn’t even mine

You said it would always be me

Wanted to wake up to me dozing on your shoulder with the soft sunlight making its way across our room

Dreaming of the shitty apartment we would own because we probably wouldn’t be able to afford more

Forever was always on the tip of your tongue

Saying you would love me forever

I knew forever would poison me slowly if it were with you

People saw me flinch every time you touched me

It was no secret the words you breathed down my neck weren’t as pretty as the facade you put fourth

Our old haunts remind me of the ghosts living under my bed

Your lips curling around suicide forcing me to stay

I didn’t want the illusion of your blood on my hands when my blood was drenching your hands

It’s not my fault anymore

It was never my fault

I hope she loves you as much as I did

I would have died for you and everyone saw me

Everyone saw me dying for you

Each day I choose to get out of bed you still control me and I regret even wrapping my hand in yours on our first date

I hope the image of your rings promising to be on my finger haunt you

Wishing you hadn’t left me a murder scene for the next to clean