Body

We all live in these vessels that carry us to the grave

Souls occupying until it feels like the right time to leave and start over

Leaving behind mourning of who was once in this now shell

My body has endured me opening it up in attempts to let the unease fly free

The chemicals my brain has been known to produce are out of date

The boards of this ship creak and let water in – only replaced when I am but nearly drowned

My skin is decorated with tattoos for a love I can no longer whisper the name of

His name still feels like a house fire out of control in my chest

I no longer wish for him to recognize my soul as one he once so intimately knew

This vessel I own in this life is littered with stories told and those yet untold wait to emerge through the old, the weary, the hand-me-down

I have not sank yet but dear god I know people are waiting to see the day I no longer exist on the same plane

But this worn out body has not seen its last days yet

Advertisements

Forget, Past Tense

Lay me out while I bleed for you

Until everything is but a blissful pink

And I know you will not forget me then

Just like when I whispered my elegy in your ear

Each tether keeping me anchored on this earth snapping

The weight you crushing my chest

I did not want your blood on my hands but that only meant further drowning in the abyss of being forgotten

If I left you would have been dead but if I stayed it would have been my name on that marker

My name left your tongue the first time you kissed her

You forgot about me the moment her fingerprints replaced mine on your skin

I smirk every time I check to see you’re still here

Remembering my tears quelling droughts the first month after

I felt like an abandoned house

You stole everything and all that was left of me was the shell of a woman who you once promised to love until the stars faded to darkness

But you should see me now

Rebuilt on my own, everyone wants to know what was here before but all I have are the photographs of you smiling and my eyes begging for an escape route

Thank you for showing me what I didn’t deserve

Aftermath

You quoted George Orwell saying “We will meet in a place where there is no darkness”

To which my response was “baby there will always be darkness”

 

For months I beat myself up for not leaving earlier when the first warning signs appeared

Lamenting that I was the only one hurting

You said we would have a future, just skirting around “love” to be someone who once was

I daydreamed of walking down the aisle to promise forever

The white dress leaving our friends and family gawking

Daydreaming about the way the sun shone in our kids hair and the reflection of the ocean in their eyes

I wanted it so badly to last beyond its expiration date

 

These days I tie our memories to balloons to watch them float to anywhere but here

They will see how I gave you so much in so little time

I am still trying to forget the small details

The kids you wanted, the names you already picked, the freckles written on your body you preferred over others

I wonder if she tastes sweeter than I did

Or if the moon told her all the secrets that I gave her nights you soundly snored in my arms

Allergen

The spring allergies developed 6 months after leaving the man who promised me forever

Coincidentally, his birthday is in the dead of spring

My body tries to rid itself of percieved toxins

Or the remnants of his touch months after dusting his fingerprints away

His poison words decorated with flowers twisting into “but I love you”

Lowering my casket a little lower with every argument crucifying me

Having me paint you in the likeness of a god

So that when you left no one would listen to the girl who cried wolf

The only compliment I have left for him is that he is a wonderful actor

His fake tears in the spotlight so no one would see the ghost he left behind

The shell of me pried open with his delicate fingers working in time with the poison oozing from his lips

Dotted with poems illuminating his love for me

Because I was the only one his heart was tangled up in

I guess you were tangled up in me, you left behind some thorns

Each time I see you my heart bleeds a little more

Cheeks stung by tears that flow as rivers

Y’know I just blame the pollen now

To the man who cared for me after the man I can only talk about in my poems:

You finished taking all that you left here in boxes filled to the brim

All but one photograph lost in one of my albums

Threads you used to stitch me back together evaporated when I realized it wasn’t you who gave me permission to move on from him

I rebuilt myself in the loneliness before you came but after he left

Somehow I was convinced some of this foundation of my new self was created by your hands

You just made everything more beautiful

The rolling in of thunder, the dripping of rain while you slept soundly next to me

I wanted it to be you

But we both knew it wouldn’t be, yet I still could dream

I still run over the day you left like a scar too stubborn to fade

Is this your permission to let me start forgetting?

,

Forever was moments with you that made my heart flutter out of my chest into the palms of your hands

The blackberries I kissed off your lips

Your hands twisting wildflowers into my hair

Closing your eyes to flutter your eyelashes on my cheeks

No one told me it would hurt walking away

Each gentle moment teaching me that not everyone was here to hurt me

They’re all kept in a locket waiting for you to reclaim what is still yours

You always said your brown eyes weren’t beautiful but mine of grey blue stung when you needed it he most and melted into honey when you needed to feel welcome

But you never made a home out of those eyes of yours and I am still trying to find my way back to them

It wasn’t a permanent goodbye, just a see you later

via Daily Prompt: Later

I looked for you letters in the dirt

Burning them seemed less likely than burying your love for me in an unmarked grave

I gave up and watched clouds dance across the sky trying to decipher their meaning

Maybe they held the secrets of you leaving without a trace

Nights I drank you in only for you to leave

Scent lingering in my sheets

When I lie awake I imagine a boat floating me back home into your arms

Words of love whispered into my neck

Maybe your words never really meant to last only to keep me tangled in you

I still search for their ghosts

via Daily Prompt: Meaningless

Thrifted Love

The first time I got butterflies in years was sitting next to you on a humid late summer’s night giggling at stupid comments

Both too nervous to actually making the first move

For the first time in a long time I’m treated not as an accessory but as an equal by a man who sees that you have as much to offer the world as he does

And boy does he see galaxies in your eyes

And you hope this time leaving won’t shatter your heart like the last one did

Because working for over a week straight is only pretty in the numbers on your paycheck

A telltale sign of heartbreak is a suppressed appetite ant let me tell you how destructive that is when you’re already working 10 hours a day because you can’t bear thinking about his eyes when he laughed so you will do anything to keep your mind wandering back to him

You hope this won’t be another story you choke out when your future kids ask

You see a side of him he is too reserved to bring out until you’re by his side

Our laughter dances together under the stars in the moonlight

His hands feel like you’ve known them in a different time and place before here and now

We giggle together like children as our smiles answer inside jokes

I know it will hurt if you leave

I know my heart will be ripped out of my chest only to be pieced back together again

But I damn well hope I won’t have to do that again

Daily Prompt: Treasure

Some people are pearls I want to keep close to my heart so  I wear them around my neck

A woman only wants one diamond in her life around her finger

You were the only one I wanted to keep – there could have only been one love like yours

You had your hand around my throat and promised it was love

Taping my mouth shut so I could no longer scream

I still thought I had found a diamond in a patch of coal

Were’t you the only one who could make me whole again?

You only need a love like that once to decimate your entire being

Months went by after you where I had to convince myself I was still the ethereal being I was before

No amount of gems could repair the damage done unto me

I had to believe I was magic once more before I could write a love story with someone who wasn’t you

You tried to tear away the pearls I kept close to me and some fell away with a swift movement of your hand

Some stayed long enough to listen to the story of how you dulled my lustre

Making me give up on everything I knew to be true

I can’t say I want the worst for you but I still have yet to forgive

You can’t splinter and crack that way without anger being planted in your being

Anger for what happened because I thought I held myself higher than to be broken down by the one I chose to love and I keep telling myself it’s my fault because I chose you

It was always you

Like a diamond, you can only have a love like that once to realize you deserve more than a treasured stone

I hold  my head high now knowing I am worth more than what you stripped me of in the name of love

Domestic abuse isn’t always visible. If you are struggling, tell someone. Chat with loveisrespect or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

via Daily Prompt: Treasure