Assault

Most assaults are done by someone you are acquainted with

The first was my then boyfriend’s best friend

He kept touching my ass while I kept asking to stop

He was holding my best friend’s hand

I kept asking him to stop, just like everyone else

My hand collided with his face hard enough to make him cry

He was holding my best friend’s hand

 

The second time I was drunk off blue vodka

It was one of my best college friends and it was nearly 3am

I trusted him enough

He walked me home which he has done¬†dozens of times in the early hours so I wouldn’t be afraid of being violated by someone else

He kissed my cheek twice and forced me to kiss his

I had to push him out of my dorm mere seconds before I could have been splayed out

That was the closest to a murder scene I have ever been

There is a grime on my skin from his hands nearly wandering where they shouldn’t have

It’s been 4 days and I feel like my throat is closing in

I trusted him enough

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On Bullying

First off I would like to tell you my history with bullying. When I was in elementary school I was often picked on for being a bit chubby and not quite fitting in. I cut my hair short and kids liked to call me a boy or tell me I was gross. The first year of middle school was to my memory, bully free. Then 7th grade hit and so was I by a girl I was suppose to call my friend. She emotionally and physically harassed me that entire school year. The next year came and her best friend started hitting me on behalf of her. This time it was to a worse degree and a more frequent event. A more frequent event meaning once or twice a day she would physically harass me. The physical harassment events caused me to become depressed and develop PTSD. I had also developed anorexia, but not caused from bullying. My freshman year people would comment on how thin I was and such. My depression and anxiety built up so much that I was hospitalized because I was threatening suicide. At the hospital I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It was a low in my life, but my friends were proud that I got help. Although one person called me a dumbass when I returned to school after I was discharged. If you were wondering I was diagnosed with PTSD during the summer after my hospital visit. Then my sophomore year a guy moved to my school. He has harassed me on two accounts, once when he wouldn’t stop kneeing my butt. I asked him politely to stop but he wouldn’t stop, so I had to backhand him to get him to knock it off. The other occasion he tried to drag me down our friend’s driveway by my backpack. I couldn’t do anything that time. I have been verbally harassed multiple times by multiple people in high school.¬†

So you’re probably wondering what’s my stance on bullying. Or you could figure I would say it is very negative. It has negatively impacted my life to the point where I have lost years of my life to mental illnesses like depression, PTSD, and self harm. It takes so long to get out of the hole you dig for yourself and other people help dig for you. It has taken me years to start accepting myself because for so long I thought it was all my fault. I thought I was a piece of crap for letting that stuff happen to me. Then I realized that it wasn’t me who was the crappy person. I had to relearn to let myself be happy and that it was a good thing to be happy. Bullying can cause worse than in my case. Many bullying cases see suicide, and that still doesn’t end harassment in some circumstances. Sometimes harassment of the deceased occurs throughout the school after the suicide. What we need is more education on how to be nice to each other. We need to learn the signs of mental illnesses. I was so under educated on mental illness that I didn’t realize my hallucinations were a factor of anxiety. I thought wanting to die was normal until I was sent to the psych ward. Something needs to be done about the bullying epidemic. We need to punish the perpetrators, not the victims. I often see the victims get in trouble rather than the perpetrators, and that’s so wrong.