Forget, Past Tense

Lay me out while I bleed for you

Until everything is but a blissful pink

And I know you will not forget me then

Just like when I whispered my elegy in your ear

Each tether keeping me anchored on this earth snapping

The weight you crushing my chest

I did not want your blood on my hands but that only meant further drowning in the abyss of being forgotten

If I left you would have been dead but if I stayed it would have been my name on that marker

My name left your tongue the first time you kissed her

You forgot about me the moment her fingerprints replaced mine on your skin

I smirk every time I check to see you’re still here

Remembering my tears quelling droughts the first month after

I felt like an abandoned house

You stole everything and all that was left of me was the shell of a woman who you once promised to love until the stars faded to darkness

But you should see me now

Rebuilt on my own, everyone wants to know what was here before but all I have are the photographs of you smiling and my eyes begging for an escape route

Thank you for showing me what I didn’t deserve

Allergen

The spring allergies developed 6 months after leaving the man who promised me forever

Coincidentally, his birthday is in the dead of spring

My body tries to rid itself of percieved toxins

Or the remnants of his touch months after dusting his fingerprints away

His poison words decorated with flowers twisting into “but I love you”

Lowering my casket a little lower with every argument crucifying me

Having me paint you in the likeness of a god

So that when you left no one would listen to the girl who cried wolf

The only compliment I have left for him is that he is a wonderful actor

His fake tears in the spotlight so no one would see the ghost he left behind

The shell of me pried open with his delicate fingers working in time with the poison oozing from his lips

Dotted with poems illuminating his love for me

Because I was the only one his heart was tangled up in

I guess you were tangled up in me, you left behind some thorns

Each time I see you my heart bleeds a little more

Cheeks stung by tears that flow as rivers

Y’know I just blame the pollen now

Hands

My hands don’t keep quiet

The twitching started after the years I do not talk about

Always waiting to run away

Asking for forgiveness each time I tiptoe around the secrets I keep in a chest by my bed

The obituary my betrayed hands wrote my then dying body lying at the bottom

Waiting to resurface at the perfect moment to remind me where I came from

There is no easy way to cry in public

My legs often forget that the time to keep running has long passed

Itching to move every time I sit down long enough to tear my chest open wide enough to let me bleed for the world to see what they did to me

Blame has nowhere to settle down but on the scars left where no one knows to look but me, faded to white but still visible enough to know the graveyard remains

Tears no longer flow rivers from my eyes

Many days I feel evicted from my own body

I trusted them

The acid of their names drops my heart to my knees

My heartbeat keeps my leg bouncing – my heart had no road map back up to my chest

Maybe my hands were never meant to sit still

Only created for them to create in the aftermath of a devastating hurricane

Because only then did I pick up a pen and begin scratching my life story in poems

//

They say I’m lucky because I’m still here

But my existence will always be uncomfortable

I always talk about the wrong things but there is nothing easy about the way I hurt

They only want me to talk about the easy parts as if any part of this is easy

I still smell him in a sea of faces I don’t recognize

He wanted to keep me hostage in his arms forced to live with him or not live at all

His plans were to have us married by now but I was always trying to untie myself from the traps he set for me

If you were a better man I would have stayed

You thought you had me in the palm of your hand but I was always ready to run

They say I am lucky because I lived

I don’t feel lucky anymore

I see his face in strangers, I am constantly looking over my shoulders ready to hide at the sight of him

He told me I was the sum of all his love but when I left it took the meaning of me being nothing but a speck of dirt in a desert storm

When I love I feel my lungs collapsing in on themselves while my hands tremble for something steady to hold on to

His love made me hit rock bottom for a second time in 5 years and he twisted it into thinking I was living life to the fullest because he was by my side

He twisted everything to make it look like my fault, never admitting to his own

Daily Prompt: Treasure

Some people are pearls I want to keep close to my heart so  I wear them around my neck

A woman only wants one diamond in her life around her finger

You were the only one I wanted to keep – there could have only been one love like yours

You had your hand around my throat and promised it was love

Taping my mouth shut so I could no longer scream

I still thought I had found a diamond in a patch of coal

Were’t you the only one who could make me whole again?

You only need a love like that once to decimate your entire being

Months went by after you where I had to convince myself I was still the ethereal being I was before

No amount of gems could repair the damage done unto me

I had to believe I was magic once more before I could write a love story with someone who wasn’t you

You tried to tear away the pearls I kept close to me and some fell away with a swift movement of your hand

Some stayed long enough to listen to the story of how you dulled my lustre

Making me give up on everything I knew to be true

I can’t say I want the worst for you but I still have yet to forgive

You can’t splinter and crack that way without anger being planted in your being

Anger for what happened because I thought I held myself higher than to be broken down by the one I chose to love and I keep telling myself it’s my fault because I chose you

It was always you

Like a diamond, you can only have a love like that once to realize you deserve more than a treasured stone

I hold  my head high now knowing I am worth more than what you stripped me of in the name of love

Domestic abuse isn’t always visible. If you are struggling, tell someone. Chat with loveisrespect or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

via Daily Prompt: Treasure

One Year (Revisiting Half A Year)

Day 1

You say cutting me off is for the best

Promises of forever fading

I tried leaving for months but your word overruled mine

Month 1

In my eyes you saw sunset’s goodbye bleeding into you

In hers you saw sunrise’s promise of a new beginning

How important was I if you could leave my memory so easily

Month 2

I have spent more money on cigarettes than I did you

Erasing your signature graffitied in my lungs from each time I breathed you in

Month 3

Our thread of texts consisting of you shattering me one last time no longer exists

You ripped me apart for months and my revenge is tiptoeing away from your grip

Shattered remains of me still remain where you left them

Month 4

I use to have nightmares about being alone

Now I realized I am not the sum of all those who love me but how I define myself in this pain

My phone no longer knows your name

Month 5

I choose happiness

Month 6

Friendships I once had now lost in your hands

Each time I tried to escape you threatened suicide

I want you to be haunted by the remains you left of me

But I know too well it won’t

Month 7

You stripped my ability to love from me

Trembling under the hands of another

You’re still sipping sweet tea from her collarbones

I was too strong of a drug for you

Month 8

I’m still trying to forgive you

Month 9

Each morning I leave my bed I prove your venomous love wrong

You haven’t thought of me since you left

Month 10

Abuse comes back to haunt in the strangest of ways

I am still afraid to love

For I will be vulnerable again

Month 11

Letters you wrote confessing your adoration live at my parents’

Reminding me of every suicide note I wrote when you were smothering me

People still don’t believe

Month 12

Drugs are never the answer until nothing else will piece me back together

The damage still lives here, more as a flooded room than a collapsing house

Knowing I’m better of now than I was then lets me breathe a little easier

Fragments

I unravel and rewire myself to become someone your heart will no longer recognize

The brand of you – a love gone by – lingers in the storms I still whether

I left you with nothing

Which you can say is better than leaving with every piece of me unrecognizable

You decided to mold me into something I wasn’t

I fought until my soul grew tired, having no ounce of awake left in me

I had no choice but to fall apart

Now I’m wondering if I still would have splintered and broke if I never felt the warmth of your hands molding this body

Into something my brain no longer recognized as its own

How can you still wake up and kiss her knowing the debris you left me will never rework itself into what it once was

If I ever face love again my heart will scream until I have no other option but to run

I can’t keep running forever but there are pieces of me I will never get back

You forgot to return to sender

The constant fear of having to look you in the eye again follows me around our hometown

Being vulnerable is not something I am capable of since the last time I put my heart in the hands of someone else

You gave it back burned to ashes