Poisoning

The trauma he left beats inside me as a second heart

Damaging me like the unfortunate book in your basement flood

I can’t quite piece together his face anymore

But I still have each love letter handwritten, sealed with his name

Chained around my neck in a heart shaped locket

A reminder that there was once love here

Even if tainted

I have no idea where he is anymore

I don’t care to find out

 

Changing Seasons

The person I was 3 years ago would not recognize the person I am today

Even if standing face to face

Which is to say neither will he

He will never come back to me now

Which is fine

Since he was the one who broke me

Ghosttown

You eroded my bones to dust

You left me with nothing

The air flowing through my lungs wasn’t even mine

You said it would always be me

Wanted to wake up to me dozing on your shoulder with the soft sunlight making its way across our room

Dreaming of the shitty apartment we would own because we probably wouldn’t be able to afford more

Forever was always on the tip of your tongue

Saying you would love me forever

I knew forever would poison me slowly if it were with you

People saw me flinch every time you touched me

It was no secret the words you breathed down my neck weren’t as pretty as the facade you put fourth

Our old haunts remind me of the ghosts living under my bed

Your lips curling around suicide forcing me to stay

I didn’t want the illusion of your blood on my hands when my blood was drenching your hands

It’s not my fault anymore

It was never my fault

I hope she loves you as much as I did

I would have died for you and everyone saw me

Everyone saw me dying for you

Each day I choose to get out of bed you still control me and I regret even wrapping my hand in yours on our first date

I hope the image of your rings promising to be on my finger haunt you

Wishing you hadn’t left me a murder scene for the next to clean

Daily Prompt: Folly

 

I was dying and you continued to stand gun pointed to my head

What a fool I was to think you loved me

No one could scream loud enough to save me

When you left I had to piece what was left of me back together while you could easily never look back

And you haven’t

I would have died for you

When you entered my life I had just forgiven the people causing the storms I had previously weathered at the crack of their knuckles on my bones

My friends watched me transform back into the ghost they thought I had left behind

There was no more light

How can I forgive myself after giving my heart away to someone who stomped on it enough to make me consider vanishing from this world again

There is not enough forgiveness in my bones for what you did

2 years have passed since and I still cannot utter the words ‘I love you’ because you taught me that they couldn’t mean anything while you watched my blood pour out of the would you created

What a fool I was

I picked up my own pieces while you never looked back

Learning to enjoy the warmth of my own loneliness

I taught myself how to laugh again because my smile wouldn’t return for the longest of time

Each night I whisper to myself that it’s going to be ok

via Daily Prompt: Folly

Daily Prompt: Treasure

Some people are pearls I want to keep close to my heart so  I wear them around my neck

A woman only wants one diamond in her life around her finger

You were the only one I wanted to keep – there could have only been one love like yours

You had your hand around my throat and promised it was love

Taping my mouth shut so I could no longer scream

I still thought I had found a diamond in a patch of coal

Were’t you the only one who could make me whole again?

You only need a love like that once to decimate your entire being

Months went by after you where I had to convince myself I was still the ethereal being I was before

No amount of gems could repair the damage done unto me

I had to believe I was magic once more before I could write a love story with someone who wasn’t you

You tried to tear away the pearls I kept close to me and some fell away with a swift movement of your hand

Some stayed long enough to listen to the story of how you dulled my lustre

Making me give up on everything I knew to be true

I can’t say I want the worst for you but I still have yet to forgive

You can’t splinter and crack that way without anger being planted in your being

Anger for what happened because I thought I held myself higher than to be broken down by the one I chose to love and I keep telling myself it’s my fault because I chose you

It was always you

Like a diamond, you can only have a love like that once to realize you deserve more than a treasured stone

I hold  my head high now knowing I am worth more than what you stripped me of in the name of love

Domestic abuse isn’t always visible. If you are struggling, tell someone. Chat with loveisrespect or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

via Daily Prompt: Treasure

Wrong Way

Love is a pain we forget

It tears you apart just to leave the pieces for you to craft back into the closest thing to whole you can manage

Nights my hands won’t stop trembling because I remember all the wrong ways he loved me

Wondering if he’s tearing her apart with the same claws he did me

When he left he didn’t even miss me

I spent months learning the correct definition of love rather than the one he hollowed out my bones with

His hands mold to her waist now

I can’t forget the way he called me baby knowing it would melt me to what he wanted

My heart broke hundreds of times in the silence the world spoke as an apology

I kept all the words you wrote me

Reading them I keep an asterisk at the back of my mind reminding that you corroded me until there was nothing left but a ghost

You taught me to fear love in the way I cracked open under you

There isn’t enough repair finished yet

#MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou

For every month I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship

 

14. He says he loves me

Being in his type of love feels like swallowing poison

13. Bruises aren’t the only sign of domestic violence

12. My smile is playing hide and seek with me, hiding along with my laughter

I am no longer enjoying his company

11. The very friends he is trying to suction me away from

Tell me this is all wrong because I can’t recognize it on my own

10. I was only taught to run if his touch ceased being loving

9. Threats of suicide hiss through his teeth if I try to leave

8. Nothing is something I felt long ago

That he says he is without me

I’m beginning to feel it creeping up on me again

7. One in three women are victims of physical violence at the hands of a lover

But I am a statistic they have yet to count

6. No one will believe me if I tell them

So what’s the point of leaving?

5. The only leaving I can do is leaving this life

4. He never hit me so does it even count?

3. No one believes a woman when she cries abuse anyways

2. Maybe I’m overreacting like he says

Maybe it’s my fault

Maybe I actually do deserve it

1. A month after our paths split, he is in love with someone new

I am afraid to fall in love again

He’s happy with her and I’m letting him be

Now it’s my turn to find a new muse whose words don’t cut like knives

Please, let me be happy again


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