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They say I’m lucky because I’m still here

But my existence will always be uncomfortable

I always talk about the wrong things but there is nothing easy about the way I hurt

They only want me to talk about the easy parts as if any part of this is easy

I still smell him in a sea of faces I don’t recognize

He wanted to keep me hostage in his arms forced to live with him or not live at all

His plans were to have us married by now but I was always trying to untie myself from the traps he set for me

If you were a better man I would have stayed

You thought you had me in the palm of your hand but I was always ready to run

They say I am lucky because I lived

I don’t feel lucky anymore

I see his face in strangers, I am constantly looking over my shoulders ready to hide at the sight of him

He told me I was the sum of all his love but when I left it took the meaning of me being nothing but a speck of dirt in a desert storm

When I love I feel my lungs collapsing in on themselves while my hands tremble for something steady to hold on to

His love made me hit rock bottom for a second time in 5 years and he twisted it into thinking I was living life to the fullest because he was by my side

He twisted everything to make it look like my fault, never admitting to his own

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