Another Starvation Poem

It has been 7 years since I first began betraying my own body

I was never officially sick but my bones poked through my skin

I lost 40 pounds in 2 years but the doctors were only afraid for a moment

Last year my physician told me to see an eating disorder specialist but that same week my therapist said I didn’t meet the criteria anymore

I tango with that old feeling starvation gave me

As if I am actually succeeding at something – as if I am making my mother proud by not weighing as much as the next girl

I do not have the words to define what was yet wasn’t

Back then I wasn’t much more than skin and bone tangled with a sadness that cannot be cured

I just call it the disorder now – I knew it was anorexia but doctors are skeptics

My physician knew I was afraid of food but my therapist knew they wouldn’t give me a second thought at the psychiatric ward because I wasn’t small enough to fit in their box

6 years ago I was 2 pounds away from the help I so desperately needed

I have so many female friends who have suffered been in the grip of food and the fear of but most were never given the treatment

When you see how many of us are sick you begin to wonder when people will realize it’s not an isolated issue, but maybe an issue with what we are taught to look like

Food and I still have a strained relationship, we are reconciling after a bitter divorce

Some days I still wish to return to starvation’s grip

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