The strongest drug is the one that made me stay

With the boy

In this life

My hands shook bright red when I was teetering on the edge of letting go onto the next adventure my soul would embark

Makeup ran down my face but dear god each of those 1am suicide notes speckled with tears, stifling each sob to not wake my sister, were not pretty

But neither was the day I had to decide whether or not staying in that love was really worth it

He gauged my heart out of my chest with his bare hands, enjoying the sound of each rib cracking under him

I’m sure he keeps it in a box under his bed now, knowing I can never love someone the way I loved him

In love you show someone the most vulnerable parts of you but I can not risk that anymore

His name still tastes bitter 520 days after I swallowed my pride and left with only my ghost and I am sure I am more alcohol trying to forget rather than writing trying to remember the way his smile set the butterflies in my rib cage free when I still was willing to die for him

It took me 6 months to finally leave him because the suicide threats made me worry if he actually did I would be left with blood on my hands

He kissed me each day for a year and a few months but a year and a half after our paths diverged he doesn’t care to know if I am still alive

There are nights I shake and scream until my tears lull me into the darkness of dreams we once shared for our future together

I let go of everything I thought I wanted and found what I actually deserved

via Daily Prompt: Tremble



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