Daily Prompt: Treasure

Some people are pearls I want to keep close to my heart so  I wear them around my neck

A woman only wants one diamond in her life around her finger

You were the only one I wanted to keep – there could have only been one love like yours

You had your hand around my throat and promised it was love

Taping my mouth shut so I could no longer scream

I still thought I had found a diamond in a patch of coal

Were’t you the only one who could make me whole again?

You only need a love like that once to decimate your entire being

Months went by after you where I had to convince myself I was still the ethereal being I was before

No amount of gems could repair the damage done unto me

I had to believe I was magic once more before I could write a love story with someone who wasn’t you

You tried to tear away the pearls I kept close to me and some fell away with a swift movement of your hand

Some stayed long enough to listen to the story of how you dulled my lustre

Making me give up on everything I knew to be true

I can’t say I want the worst for you but I still have yet to forgive

You can’t splinter and crack that way without anger being planted in your being

Anger for what happened because I thought I held myself higher than to be broken down by the one I chose to love and I keep telling myself it’s my fault because I chose you

It was always you

Like a diamond, you can only have a love like that once to realize you deserve more than a treasured stone

I hold  my head high now knowing I am worth more than what you stripped me of in the name of love

Domestic abuse isn’t always visible. If you are struggling, tell someone. Chat with loveisrespect or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

via Daily Prompt: Treasure

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Daily Prompt: Protest

 

 

 

My body is the gasoline, my voice is the match

Lighting a fire to change for the better within myself, my communities, and the world

Advocating for mental health education and resources as a mentally ill person is not irony but opposite

Sitting in a psychatric ward at 14 hearing the word suicide for the first time is not the way to learn what you are feeling

In the adolescent ward our ages ranged from 12 to 18

The roommate who taught me how to play 5 card draw was also 14, the other 18

All waiting for our smiles to return our calls

Our rooms were like dorms but with far less liberty to decorate – just blankets and pillows

I wore the same 3 outfits over and over, they didn’t tell me how long I was to stay until the day I was leaving

We created, we laughed, the community’s support was immense because we all knew what it was to no longer exist inside our minds

Our minds were no longer our own but property of the diseases shaping them

We had 14 year olds in detox and people who just came from hospitals turning suicide into just attempts

I’m not sure how many are still alive but one boy we endearingly called bipolar bear

One girl could perfectly emmulate a British accent

We are all normal people with debilitating illnesses that people believe in because the only visible symptoms are self inflicted yet these same people will believe in an invisible deity making everything happen for a reason

Tell that to kids who are just shells of people

As an advocator I am labeled as a protester but let me tell you they only want to silence my voice because they don’t like what they hear

They don’t want my voice they just want to add me to the body count

via Daily Prompt: Protest

Daily Prompt: Martyr

Keep breathing in and out

I am small enough to fade into nothing

Insignifigant enough to the universe as atoms are to our naked eye

Hushed beckoning to live in the clouds for a few hours I will soon succomb

Keep breathing in and out

Lungs the color of midnight’s sky during a new moon

You couldn’t tell me I would get this far down the rabbit hole 5 yeears ago

I was dying but would have been struck by lightning before my anchor took me down with it

Keep breathing

All my wires needed to be replaced and I thought the best way to do that was to slice them myself

Left to be found, throat an open door to the next great adventure

I would have let them win their war allowing their venom to run up my veins until my heart couldn’t take it anymore

I would have given my friends permission to let themselves drown the way they watched me shed all the tears I had left out my veins

I would have been their martyr

Their reason to keep living or keep dying

Plucking themselves from the fields of reason

Erasing their names from the history books

Keep fighting for justice of mentally ill kids being played as harps by their peers trying to kill them

I could have been their martyr

I am my own martyr mourning the woman who exists only in breaths of photographs before the bruises turned me cold

Breathe

Their threats of killing you didn’t win

They can’t pretend to mourn you secretly celebrating their victory of another outcast leaving this world grayer

via Daily Prompt: Martyr

Daily Prompt: Vanish

Her hair didn’t curl around her face with little ringlets, not it framed her face with harsh rigidity

I swear to God she was the only one who could have woken me from an eternal slumber

Every thing she said sounded like she was reeciting Shakespeare – in the most endearing way

I would have used my last breath to ask her to repeat me a lullaby to send me away

She was gentle but started a fire in me I have yet to vanquish

But when summer came she was but another story to file away in my file cabinet of deepest secrets

The only way I keep her close to me anymore are the t-shirts she left me with

Half a country away I wish her hands were tracing my frame but we all know too well mormon parents and two women in love does not mix without an explosion

She forgot about me when she was stripped from this bleak place

She was the only one who the stars wanted to visit and since she left they have not shown their faces

Vanishing with nothing but an apology and a love I can only give to her

She healed something in me that will forever remain tattooed on my brain

The scar will remain until she comes back which is to say it will always be here

The pain of losing her will forever remain here in the back of my head

Thoughts of how she would love something so beautiful and bright like herself

via Daily Prompt: Vanish

Ainslie

I wear my name as a locket around my neck

My name was a gift from my parents, honoring my maternal grandmother

She was a strong woman

Ask me to shorten my name and I will give you the first half of it

If you ask me to make it easier for you, you’re asking to betray the memories I have left of her

Her laughter left when she took her last breaths when I was a freshman in high school

I only noticed my family calling me the shortened version of our name, Ains, after she left us

Each day I keep living I am honoring her memory

She was never far from her knitting, she died with it in her hands

She was an artist – a painter

The paint stains littered on my clothing are the photograph kept in that locket

Don’t ask me to make my name easier for you to digest

There is more to it than a string of syllables

Wrong Light

Whenever I write about you I talk about cracking

I forgot mentioning the way you morphed time like marmalade’s slow, letting us take each other in

There was a gallery displayed on your skin with every freckle, stray hair, scar that my fingers were hungry for

Your eyes held galaxies I could explore forever

Each time I paint you into words I forgot you were the home I thought my love could live in forever and how could I lose something like that

When you left I evaporated from the pools my tears melted me into

Nights when you were still here, you sleeping in my twin bed tangled limbs and all

Sleepily kissing your shoulder, you pulling me closer as your teddy bear

Awoken by thunder one night, your warmth as you still slept, the only thing I thought was how I was looking right at the rest of my life, dreaming, holding me tight

After your leaving I couldn’t even eat without remembering each conversation shared over a meal

To this day I don’t know why you left

Maybe you were afraid it was too perfect to be real

Every time your lips curved into a smile I thought I was watching the rest of our lives together play out

Each bout of laughter the house, the children, the adventures

Now each moment it fades a little farther as we forget the way we felt the calm storm of love

Left with the few moments our stories wound together as one