One Year (Revisiting Half A Year)

Day 1

You say cutting me off is for the best

Promises of forever fading

I tried leaving for months but your word overruled mine

Month 1

In my eyes you saw sunset’s goodbye bleeding into you

In hers you saw sunrise’s promise of a new beginning

How important was I if you could leave my memory so easily

Month 2

I have spent more money on cigarettes than I did you

Erasing your signature graffitied in my lungs from each time I breathed you in

Month 3

Our thread of texts consisting of you shattering me one last time no longer exists

You ripped me apart for months and my revenge is tiptoeing away from your grip

Shattered remains of me still remain where you left them

Month 4

I use to have nightmares about being alone

Now I realized I am not the sum of all those who love me but how I define myself in this pain

My phone no longer knows your name

Month 5

I choose happiness

Month 6

Friendships I once had now lost in your hands

Each time I tried to escape you threatened suicide

I want you to be haunted by the remains you left of me

But I know too well it won’t

Month 7

You stripped my ability to love from me

Trembling under the hands of another

You’re still sipping sweet tea from her collarbones

I was too strong of a drug for you

Month 8

I’m still trying to forgive you

Month 9

Each morning I leave my bed I prove your venomous love wrong

You haven’t thought of me since you left

Month 10

Abuse comes back to haunt in the strangest of ways

I am still afraid to love

For I will be vulnerable again

Month 11

Letters you wrote confessing your adoration live at my parents’

Reminding me of every suicide note I wrote when you were smothering me

People still don’t believe

Month 12

Drugs are never the answer until nothing else will piece me back together

The damage still lives here, more as a flooded room than a collapsing house

Knowing I’m better of now than I was then lets me breathe a little easier

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