Old Habits

The darkness that became us was a test we weren’t prepared for

Sending out the distress signal but no one could speak that language

Demonized for picking up habits we knew we shouldn’t

We weren’t taught any other method to light up the world that became dull with us

I wasn’t suppose to make it

The past living beneath my skin is too terrifying to uncover

So many years not knowing happy left addictions no one wants to fix

My smile remembers all the years it spent lost

I was lucky enough to see today

Many of us still can’t see ourselves 5 years down the road but that doesn’t mean we won’t try to stay

Recovery doesn’t always mean a will to live

I still feel as though I am not meant to exist here

Addiction is one hell of a monster I have yet to conquer

Why do I still go back to what I know will hurt me in the end?

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One thought on “Old Habits

  1. Great writing! Particularly the following part:

    ‘My smile remembers all the years it spent lost

    I was lucky enough to see today

    Many of us still can’t see ourselves 5 years down the road but that doesn’t mean we won’t try to stay’

    I think many of us can identify with this mindset. We want to do the best by ourselves and our loved ones, and we are always told that there is a way in which we can manage our own individual battles with mental illness. While I do believe this is true, it is difficult to see when those dark days rear their ugly heads. Alas, we can hope and take each day as it comes.

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