The 21st of May, 2012

I am admitted to the adolescent ward of a psychiatric hospital

I am 14 and wish I could have gone home to swallow those pills

I am admitted under suicidal ideations

I have no idea what that means

It stops my parents from finding me hanging pale and blue in my closet

The air feels like better days to come

Somehow I capture the feel of the air and the smell of the earth in that moment

When it felt like the world stopped

It comes back with the springing of lilies as a reminder of how far I’ve come

Ironic isn’t it, that I got help in the season of rebirth?

It was mine as well

Coming forward with your struggle weeds out every person who wasn’t there to stay in your life anyways

When I was admitted to the ward I was afraid of who I would meet

But they were some of the most beautiful people I have ever met

My sister was too young to know what suicide meant

My parents told her I was sad and would be back soon

As if that kind of empty isn’t completely debilitating

I felt lost at sea with no way back to shore

When she was old enough to understand

Her tears told me she understood how those 8 days kept me alive


I hope she isn’t crippled by her own mind

The way I was

Some days I still am

Please, get help



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s