To Stay or To Go

How am I suppose to love you
When you walk out that door
You return drunk
Pleading
“I’ve been nothing but good to you”
My soul is cracking
Waiting for a reason to stay
All I get is begging
“Don’t leave you’re the best I’ve ever had”
That broke me
How am I suppose to leave?

All I want is to be happy
If not with you
Then who?
I swear my decision won’t be
Drowned in whiskey
Or drowned out by the dull thud of my heart

I swear I can’t feel happiness anymore
Maybe this is what those poets meant
When they say they were drowning

Don’t guilt me
If I stay or if I go
And don’t spit out
“Do what you want”
If I barely know my name

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